Detour...

Well, huh.

I would say that things have changed and still are.
I just read Steven's blog on Love...and sex. I find it all so confusing and ridiculous, really.


I'm happy. To say I'm not would be a lie - or would it?

No. I am. I really am.
I have my family, church and life back. And my best friend. Who I'm completely in love with. Dang.

It's inevitable. And like I said before, who was I kidding besides myself? Well, him.
And the other guy. But I don't think THAT guy was really fooled.

I'm an awful liar and I know it. Do you know how many times I lied?
I hate lying but I found myself doing it. He couldn't know. That would've broken his heart. Not that I didn't manage that anyway....

But, really. Why am I always the heartbreaker?
For once, don't I deserve to have MY heart broken?? I don't want it..I really don't. But I feel like I've done my fair share and it's only a matter of time until karma kicks in.
Perhaps what I've done to myself is enough, though.

Oh man. Consequences.
That's a whole other subject.


But I should go put my scrubs on now :)

Merwin

Silence is a conversation
Full of lies, full of truth
But unclear.
Why can't you just speak?
And why can't I?
Bt that quiet, that still seeps through my eardrums, weaves its way around my nerves and synapses and engraves an image of your consciousness on the back of my eyelids.
Etch-A-Sketch.
I shake my head.
But not too hard - I don't really want you erased - Just your lines lessened.
I wish I tried harder.
I wish you did,too.